Walk softly?

Sitting here thinking over my keyboard, thinking about that time in high school when Poff looked at me with that funny look, and said “Well, why do you have to choose?”  Between lovers, that is.  Thinking how it happens that I am with someone who doesn’t hear the magic in that question.  Now my phone rings, and when I answer whoever it was has hung up.  Strange. 

Last week felt like a blizzard in my head.  Thought flurries coming down cold and crystal and maybe clear in their own right, say delicate under a microscope, but too hard and too many, just my landscape changing before my eyes.  Then a powerful clarity.  Now it’s all mushy in my head — all sludgy and melty and watch-your-step.  Find the thoughts that will lead me out of this.  There is a step by step that will deliver me somewhere…new.  Heart attack, but new.

Is it being open?  Is it being hard?  I don’t do well with being hard, or blunt, or self-assured.  Not with him.  I don’t want to have to hack my way out.  So, when he offered me an open door…why didn’t I take it?

Maybe I do want to hack my way out.  There’s a scary thought.  Maybe I don’t know myself so well after all…

  shadow  (v.):  late O.E. sceadwian “to protect as with covering wings” (cf. also overshadow), from the root of shadow (n.).

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~ by Arrrow Marie on January 5, 2009.

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