Walking up to an empty house with a bag full of groceries is the sweetest thing.

(Also, an empty house with one pot and no sharp knives.  How do you do that to yourself?  You know who you are.  And I still love you.  I’m just saying.)

That’s about all I’m asking from life right now: serious groceries and an empty home to cook them in.  And now dinner is cooking, and the only noise is me and this squeaky fucking table and the stove, and I can write.  I think life can handle that.

Can I?

I have a lot of thoughts, and a lot of writing, that doesn’t fit here.  It’s so rawly and newly me that I am hesitant to name it, even under this new/old name, Coyote Marie.  “Coyote” my Grandpa called me when I was a kid, and on his deathbed.  Sometimes I dream of a woman who I think of as his grandmother.  “Marie” who was a mother to my mother, and also (that’s my secret).  There are dreams that shy away from this place and all sorts of ideas I want to share but everything is stewing, waiting while this present work works out.  So I’m workin it out.  Maybe soon this place will become as crazy as my journal and not a boring-er spillover tray…or maybe even spillover’s not that boring.  This place is like the grooves that catch all the fat when you’re frying delicious things to put in your mouth.  Home of delicious, moreselly byproducts to save as ingredients for later.  I can live with that.

Of course, all that is prelude to one raw chunk that does want to be typed up.  Too bad you don’t get my little doodles and diagrams that go along with it.  There are usually doodles and diagrams.

Doodle: How does the dictionary reconcile these two origins, “archaic” and “americanism?”

4. a design, figure, or the like, made by idle scribbling.
5. Archaic. a foolish or silly person.

1935–40, Americanism; orig. sense, fool (n.)

also: Origin:
prob. extracted from cock-a-doodle-do; a euphemism for cock. 3

i.e. like a whachamacallit…those anti evil-eye charms…


~ by Arrrow Marie on March 24, 2009.

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