‘And now that I can talk I will choose what I do’

I am so light and filled with music and with excitement for the summer, it’s giving me the flutters.

Last year I was dreaming tidal waves were coming for my family, although everyone was okay in the end.

Lately I’m dreaming that I am near the beach and suddenly the ocean rushes in.  Not a wave.  Just, suddenly, the ocean.  On the edge, I dangle my feet into the depths and hold my friend’s hand up while she bobs underneath.  Right through the house and up to my waist,  exciting!  Up past my head, I tilt my face into the foam above and I am calm and, through my nose, I can breathe.

Mom liked to tell a story about when I was a toddler and the undertow swept me under — she was terrified — and when the waves tumbled me back I was laughing, “Let’s go again!”

Fabulous: http://www.myspace.com/theenextdoorneighbors

I told Gramma this morning that I am interviewing for an apartment tomorrow.  She was surprised and weird,  but not as weird as I expected.

Me: I just really need my own space.

G: You have your own space here!

Brain: Holy shit, she really doesn’t understand the meaning of “my own space.”  How can I say this without pointing out the million things I can’t stand about being here and hurting her feelings.
Me: Somewhere I can play the cello in the middle of the night if I want to.

Why do I go with this instead of the much simpler, “somewhere I can paint my walls?”  Which is also true.  I’m going to paint them tropical turquoise, after a heartgasmic dream from four  summers ago.

Someone mentioned missing the word-origins.  I just couldn’t think of any for the last posts.  In rectifying this, let’s do a crazy one!

Ocean: One of those words  so old its record terminates in divinity.
[Middle English occean, from Old French, from Latin ōceanus, from Greek Ōkeanos, the god Oceanus, a great river encircling the earth.]
“c.1290, from O.Fr. occean (12c.), from L. oceanus, from Gk. okeanos, the great river or sea surrounding the disk of the Earth (as opposed to the Mediterranean), of unknown origin. Personified as Oceanus, son of Uranus and Gaia and husband of Tethys. In early times, when the only known land masses were Eurasia and Africa, the ocean was an endless river that flowed around them. Until c.1650, commonly ocean sea, translating L. mare oceanum.”

I just recently read this: “Ouranos , the Greak word for ‘Heaven,’ actually means ‘infinitely expanding activity.’ (<–Frank Waters)  Which is lovely.

So ocean: what happens when Heaven and Earth get down and mingly.  The Big River, the dreamworld that rushes in at any time because it’s there all the time, already, all swirly and foamy and now.

“Ocean Sea” — or, rightly, Oceano Mare — was the book that made me decide to learn Italian.  (Incidentally, Citta Invisibile was the one that made me glad I did.)


~ by Arrrow Marie on May 11, 2009.

One Response to “‘And now that I can talk I will choose what I do’”

  1. Lovely. They say the uinverse infinitely expands till things become cold and dead. But I imgaine the infinitely expanding activities of Heaven would keep the universe warm.

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