Love and pain and Heaven on Earth

Such a delicious day, from last night to tonight.

Morning bird

Last night I dreamed I slept, and on waking said to my companion, softly, an invitation to love: “I can be a footsoldier too.”

Before bed, I’d had a conversation about love and pain. My friend couldn’t see moving into certain loving spaces because they might inevitably lead to great pain. I replied along these lines: that the pain I’m done with is the pain of giving my self away to another person, the pain of lonliness for my self, and anything else in this new world, hey, I’ll give it a whirl. And there was a subtext I couldn’t quite voice – that avoiding future pain is a questionable reason to deny present love.

I looked up “foot soldier,” and found that a foot soldier is infantry. Those who fight their fight on the ground, face to face. Also, historically they sustain the brunt of the casualties.

The friend I had this talk with is the same friend, or a dream-version, to whom I say, “I can be a footsoldier too.” In both conversations I was saying: if pain for the cause, then yes, pain. Footsoldier.

Soldier:

ME < OF, equivalent of soulde, to pay.

<L solidus, which is

a) Latin for solid

b) a "/" backslash (the main tool of Perpetual Motion Machine, my 20 year old poetic ode to love and pain)

c) the temperature below which something will be solid.

d) a gold coin

and it gets better:

< L Sol, sun.

(The sun has played a huge metaphorical role in my life and dreams this year.)

also, a combining form of scientific language meaning "soil," where the kind of soil is determined by what goes in front of the "sol." (e.g. spodosol) A submissive language form.

As a name, it's Solomon.

As music, it's G.

It's proto-IE is "Saewel, to shine."

Infantry is infant-try, a wholeness and innocence that leads to both virginal wonder and utter decimation.

So if soldier = sol-er, is foot soldier, then, where the sun walks the earth?

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~ by Arrrow Marie on September 30, 2009.

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