I can idealize myself well enough, thank you.

Valentines Day:

I dreamed There’s a storm — it’s not dark, but there are great powerful winds. Nevertheless I’m going to the bridge, to cross the bridge. Some female figures are concerned. I’m going to the East side, over maybe Burnside bridge. First we stop at Michael Goldsheft’s place in a big down town building, maybe his is on the 4th story, we look up at it from the cold snowy street. There is some concern about slipping or blowing over the side of the bridge. I feel the risk of it but am calm and confident, feel also the necessity and rightness of it, a rightness with joy inside.

After my night of talking with Chippy I feel very much like having come through this dream. And where am I now?

Freeing from emotional entanglement.

Over and over I choose the Now that flies in the face of desiring expectation, and speaks its piece honestly, and feels and means at the same time.

I choose the Me free of need
to control or carry but who trusts
Love as it comes forth.

It is not my own but I do give it, and give it freely.

The center dissolves.

And who am I in the world
and what do I want to bring?

This is not decided by any beholden reflection or in pursuit of any expectation but is fresh and urgent,
A joyful fountain me, with its slippery source.

That is my own.

It is not the frantic passionate place.
It is not even a hot place.
It is the rightness of the cold clear windy bridge.

Today:

Clearing difficult thoughts.

And swimming!!

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~ by Arrrow Marie on February 15, 2010.

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